Good baby?

Amy’s frustration with being asked whether Leo was a “good baby” made me think about that designation - one that has frequently been used of John.

Many woman, old and young have told me that John is a “good baby.” I don’t think the opposite of a “good baby” is a “bad baby” but a “hard baby” or “difficult baby.”

Two general groups of women have made the comment about John - much older women, in their seventies and up, who have observed John for at least 45 minutes and women about my age who also have babies or toddlers.

I just got the comment a week and a half ago after John sat through a ninety-minute university tree tour without complaint. “What a good baby you have!” an older woman remarked. Good? I couldn’t have held him during the tour because my back was hurting a lot. If John had complained frequently during the tour, I would have simply gone home. Would that make him a “bad” baby? Certainly not. But more work? Yes.

Another older woman made the comment after observing me at the grocery store for forty-five minutes. (She was going through at about the same speed as me.) John was happy to play with bag of tortillas while I shopped.

Women my age make the comment, I think, in order to keep me from becoming proud. “You’re not a good parent, you just are lucky to have a good baby,” is what they are really saying.. The subtext, “Poor me, my baby is hard and you’re just lucky. That’s why I am exhausted, frustrated, and on birth control.”

“You have a good baby, that’s why you’re willing to have another one.” (Someone really said that.)

I appreciate the comments from older women about John being a good baby. I appreciate allowing John to be seen as pleasant by others. I do, however, think that I contribute at least a little bit to it. John has a sweet temperament, but he also gets really cranky when tired. I tried taking him to a formal banquet after a few days of travel once, and we both were miserable. No one there told me I had a good baby! Usually, however, I prioritize naps and that seems to keep him happy.

Despite John’s good temperament, I do not have much sympathy for people who complain about their babies’ crankiness (while telling me how lucky I am) and yet won’t change their lives enough to let their babies nap. Somehow, John’s good temperament makes me the brunt of many complaints - maybe because they know I’ll just be quiet and let them complain. Oh well.